The Power of Connection: 3 Consequences of Isolation
“We are called to be strong companions and clear mirrors to one another, to seek those who reflect with compassion and a keen eye how we are doing, whether we seem centered or off course … we need the nourishing company of others to create the circle needed for growth, freedom and healing.”
- Wayne Muller
BUT PEOPLE SUCK…
It’s true. Often, people suck. That is probably the most common response to the recommendation of creating community and seeking out social support. When people have been deeply hurt in relationships, it often drives them toward isolation where they feel safer, in the short term. The problem is that we are truly wired for connection and our nervous system needs those relationships to survive. In safe relationships, our nervous systems will co-regulate and the peace & calm we see in others can help us to regulate and experience those same positive feelings. If we were in a flight or flight state (sympathetic nervous system), encouraging words or hug from a loved one can put us back into the rest and digest mode (parasympathetic nervous system). An argument can easily be made that the benefits of connection far outweigh the consequences of isolation. In fact, isolation can negatively impact our health and can lead to a sad and lonely life.
3 CONSEQUENCES OF ISOLATION
Increased focus on pain & chronic illness. This may seem like a strange consequence, but consider this scenario. You are stuck at home, quarantined, because you have Covid. You’re not engaging in the same day to day activities that provide healthy distraction, so you become hyper-focused on your symptoms and you begin to feel even worse. Some folks stayed isolated even if they weren’t sick because of fear and developed other chronic conditions, such as alcoholism or agoraphobia. We’re still not that far out from the pandemic to forget how isolated we all were and the ramifications on children’s learning, the stress on marriages, and the impact on the economy. Life as we knew it had fallen apart. There was an increase in substance use, an increase in depression & anxiety, and a breakdown of many marriages. If you consider those scenarios, think about someone who suffers from chronic pain or chronic illness, such as fibromyalgia, migraines, POTS, or arthritis. Chronic illness often leads to being bed bound, dealing with mobility issues, and experiencing brain fog, which can then lead to cancelling plans and isolating. That isolation makes it so much easier to hone in and focus on your pain and other symptoms. The isolated focus on pain is like putting a megaphone to your mouth - it will make it “louder.”
Increased rigidity. When someone is isolated for too long, they can get stuck in their head and become rigid in their thoughts & ideas. The lack of social interaction and encountering different beliefs & opinions can lead to catastrophic thinking, going down strange “rabbit holes” on the Internet & on social media, and developing skewed ideas. Folks can come to believe that no one understands them so they isolate even more and their thought patterns become even more extreme. Isolation, even if done intentionally, can lead to feeling even more alone, which can increase depression & anxiety, which can lead to becoming stuck in a negative feedback loop. Experiencing different ideas and different ways of viewing & navigating the world can increase curiosity, resiliency, and lead to developing critical thinking and a more open mind.
Increased risk of Alzheimers. This risk may seem extreme or it may not be on your radar, because you’re young, but it’s an important consideration. Our brains, like every muscle in the body, need to be worked. We need stimulation to keep our brains sharp and social engagement is a great way to do that. Within social engagement, we tend to make healthier choices and move our bodies more. Folks who are isolated often make riskier health choices and have higher rates of smoking, heavier alcohol use, and lead more sedentary lifestyles. There is also a lack of purpose when isolated, so activities like volunteering or even working a part-time job can be immensely helpful in reducing depression, loneliness, and brain atrophy. With lack of interaction comes the reduction of the hippocampus and temporal lobe which then reduces your cognitive reserves. Our brains follow the “use it or lose it” philosophy, so reading, doing crossword puzzles, learning a new language or instrument, joining a book club or a running club, playing racquet sports, or training a pet can all strengthen your mind and reduce your chances of developing a form of dementia. Also, these activities will make you a more interesting and well-rounded person who will attract friends!
BUT I DON’T WANT TO GET HURT, AGAIN…
No one likes getting hurt in a relationship, but you can’t let it stop you from social engagement. If you have been deeply wounded from a toxic friendship, please reach out for help. Processing those traumatic experiences through EMDR and connecting to those parts of self who carry the pain of rejection can all be done within the context of the therapeutic counseling relationship. Finding a safe space with a trusted counselor can go a long way to reducing isolation and increasing readiness for going back into the world & developing healthy relationships.
DO YOU FIND YOURSELF TOO ISOLATED & LONELY?
ARE YOU READY TO WORK THROUGH YOUR SOCIAL TRAUMA AND REENGAGE WITH THE WORLD?
Begin Adult Trauma Counseling in Columbus, Ohio. You don’t have have to suffer any longer.