Trauma & the Therapeutic Relationship
Have you ever been to see a doctor because you heard that he or she was one of the best in their field, only to come away feeling unheard or even insulted? The best medical care in the world doesn’t feel like it when the bedside manner is poor. The same is similar within the counseling world.
It is often said that the most important aspect of therapy is the rapport between client and therapist. A therapist can have all the clinical tools in the world, but without a positive rapport those skills mean nothing.
Clients who present with trauma often have a history of being dismissed, marginalized, told that they’re “crazy,” and struggle to trust. Trauma can be the result of poor attachments, betrayal, abuse, and physical danger and can lead to a profound lack of safety that is felt within the nervous system.
Feeling safe with your therapist is critical to the healing process. You need to feel heard, validated, and cared for within the context of the therapeutic relationship. If those aspects are not present, even the greatest interventions may not be helpful.
“Safety IS the treatment”
A recent Netflix documentary, Stutz, helps to explore the therapeutic relationship between Dr. Phil Stutz and the actor, Jonah Hill. Stutz, with his honest and direct style, appears authentic and kind as he interacts with Hill. He rejected the old-school psychoanalysis techniques early on in his practice and immediately sought to infuse his patients with hope. Stutz is seen as both human AND expert and that combination brings about a sense of safety and trust.
Once that rapport and trust have been established, empirically-validated treatments will be much more effective. If that trust is broken and repair is not done, those treatments mean nothing. If you feel invalidated by a therapist because they don’t meet you where you are or they insult something or someone that is valuable to you, you can’t make progress. You can no longer be vulnerable in that capacity and vulnerability is key to healing, particularly in healing shame.
Trauma can strip you of trust in humanity. Finding a therapist who SEES you and HEARS you can help you to rebuild that trust in others and in yourself. Now the question is, how can you go about finding the right therapist for you?
Seek out a therapist whose bio indicates similar values. Perhaps you’d like a therapist who has a spiritual background. Most will indicate that somewhere on their website or will give verbiage that implies a spiritual or religious foundation.
Ask for referrals from trusted friends and family who are or were in therapy. Word of mouth is often the best referral source.
Request a phone consult to see if the conversation indicates a good fit. Did you feel heard in that phone call? Is the therapist willing to openly answer your questions?
Additionally, be willing to express your concerns about therapy and ask questions. As much as therapists can be intuitive and can interpret body language, they can’t read minds. Don’t be afraid to say what you want and to offer feedback.
You are the expert of yourself. Don’t forget that! People are commonly intimidated by different practitioners, but you don’t have to be. You know yourself better than anyone else and you need to be confident and comfortable with the therapist you choose. You wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes that don’t fit…the same goes with finding a therapist.
Are you ready to begin your counseling journey?
Begin Adult Trauma Counseling in Columbus, Ohio. You don’t have to suffer any longer.