Trauma & Loss
“No matter how prepared you think you are for the death of a loved one, it still comes as a shock, and it still hurts very deeply.”
- Billy Graham
THE TRAUMA OF LOSS
Since 2020, the world has become all too familiar with loss. The COVID-19 pandemic brought with it the loss of millions of people, often with goodbyes over the phone and loved one left to die alone in the hospital. Even those who didn’t lose loved ones were wracked with grief as they watched news stories of loss or heard from friends about the loss of their family members. Day after day, doctors and nurses watched their patients struggle to breathe, many of them losing their battle to the horrible virus. Medical staff left to battle their grief on their own, because they didn’t have time to stop as more and more patients rolled in with a similar fate. Counselors listening to the fears of their clients while battling their own, at the same time. It was an unprecedented time that had a ripple effect for years to come. Even if you and your family came away unscathed, you may have experienced vicarious trauma from what you heard and saw. No one escaped the trauma of the pandemic. Yet, many people suffer quietly at the private loss of a loved one from other illnesses or accidents. Or they may be grieving the loss of a marriage, a wayward child, or the pain of losing a job. The experiences of loss are endless, but so are the possibilities of joy.
MEET STACY
At seventeen, Stacy is a vibrant teenager who excels in school, is an incredible tennis player, has lots of friends, and has a bright future ahead of her. One morning, as she’s getting ready for school, she realizes that she hasn’t seen or heard her mom, yet. She heads into her mom’s bedroom to see what she’s up to and finds her unresponsive on the floor. Stacy immediately calls 911, then her dad, and tries to revive her mom. The paramedics arrive and work on her mom for awhile, but pronounce her dead at the scene from what they suspect was a cardiac event. Stacy crumples to the floor in tears, not knowing what to do without her mom. She has no idea how she will go on without her mom to guide her. Stacy goes through the motions over the next week, completely numb, as she attends the calling hours, funeral, and burial. She thinks of all the moments her mom won’t see: her high school and college graduations, her engagement, wedding, and the births of her grandchildren. Stacy cannot imagine going through the rest of her life without her mom.
“Grief can destroy you — or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn’t allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it.”
MOVING FORWARD
Stacy struggled for months and had difficulty moving beyond the depression phase of grief. She slept 12-14 hours a day, cried all the time, fell behind in school, and stopped responding to her friends. Her dad felt helpless to comfort her, as he was battling his own grief, while trying to work, to maintain the house, and take care of her and her 3 siblings. Finally, a school counselor recommended that Stacy see a grief counselor and provided her with some local referrals. Stacy reluctantly went, but she knew that she needed to start living, again. She found a counselor with whom she connected and started seeing her every week. Stacy spent the first few sessions crying and sharing with the counselor the enormity of the grief she felt. Little by little, the counselor helped her to work through her feelings and gently challenged her to begin living her life, again. Stacy journaled about her grief and wrote out some of her favorite memories of her mom, which made her smile. Her counselor connected her with other teens and young adults who had lost parents. She felt less alone and saw that she would survive this and could make meaning out of a senseless loss.
SUPPORT & INSPIRATION
There is no one thing that can be said to make grief and loss feel better or go away. Everyone processes grief, differently, and the phases of grief are not linear. You can feel sad or depressed one minute and angry the next. You can slip into denial one day and feel some semblance of acceptance the next day. Just know this: You are not alone. Loss is inevitable. We will all experience loss, at some point or another. These women have all experienced great loss and came out the other side with words of wisdom:
Lisa tells about the loss of her husband and how she navigated the daily challenges of raising 4 children, all on her own, while leading FedEx Canada as the Vice President (eventually becoming the President). She is inspiring in her quest to overcome such a shocking loss.
Amy Morin introduces her journey to becoming mentally strong by sharing her personal losses that happened in her 20s. The losses were so unexpected and so monumental that they could have leveled her. But she chose to use her losses to become mentally strong and to support others.
Sheryl Sandberg, former COO of Meta Platforms (Facebook parent company), shares her raw and vulnerable grief and her initial belief that she would never feel joy after the sudden loss of her husband. Along with Adam Grant, they share how to rebuild a life of meaning and joy after loss.
DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN STACY?
ARE YOU READY TO PROCESS THE TRAUMA OF YOUR LOSS?
Begin Adult Trauma Counseling in Columbus, Ohio. You don’t have have to suffer any longer.